Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
