i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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