Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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