So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just high enough for therapy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
