In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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