Can i not drive my cunt home
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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