i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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