8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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