Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
