I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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