This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
All I want is dick and wine.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
