Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
