Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
