What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
