Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
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Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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