oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
