Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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