Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
