I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Fuck appropriateness.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
