its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Someone came in the potted fern
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
