it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
