I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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