Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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