Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
