I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
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Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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