Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
