I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
