I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
