I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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