He had one of those small greek statue penises
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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