Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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