Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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