would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
