final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
