now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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