I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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