Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
