I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
