i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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