I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
