he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
