We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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