Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Welp...herpes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
