I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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