I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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