My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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