Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
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Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole