I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.