i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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