After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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