i jhust puked up my retainher.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
