actually, I'm a sock model
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize