I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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