So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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