It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
