i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
