she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
