I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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