i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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