Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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