Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
