Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
