last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
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he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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