the condom got lost in my hair
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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