wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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