Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
