I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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