One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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