The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Did I show you my penis last night?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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