so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
