Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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