i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
